Best Laid Plans

What’s that they say about best laid plans?

They often go awry?

On Tuesday, I laid out my goals for November.

By Wednesday night, I was basically bedridden, and, on Thursday, after escaping it for nearly two years, I tested positive for COVID.

I suspect it’s hit me as hard as it has because I’ve been burning at both ends for several months.

I don’t remember the last time I felt this ill, let alone missed two days of work.

Seriously, a bout with the stomach flu in fourth grade comes to mind.

I read losing taste and smell isn’t as common anymore, but I drew that short straw and it’s devastating. Food, good food and drink, is a huge part of my life. I’m worried about not having taste at Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday.

On the other side, my colleagues have been gracious and understanding.

My husband has taken care of me while we simultaneously try to social distance, hoping to keep him from succumbing to it.

I had to cancel Friday’s plans with a dear friend I haven’t seen in ages and today’s plans for a spa getaway for another dear friend’s bachelorette celebration.

As they also say: it is what it is.

Forced rest was probably what I needed.

But, I’d be lying if I made it seem like I hadn’t thought about the impact of this on my billable hours.

Two full workdays gone.

Unclear when I’ll have the energy to go full steam ahead again.

Junior- and mid-level-associate Emily would be freaking out.

Today, I’m confident in the systems I’ve put in place, and the work-flow relationships I’ve built.

I know the work will be there when I’m up for it.

I know I’ve laid the foundation in my billable hours to make room for emergencies like this.

I’ll be fine.

I also know this will draw comments, noting that these thoughts prove the toxicity of the billable hour.

That might be true, but that doesn’t change the reality for so many of us who live in the thick of the billable hour requirement.

While it exists, we must work toward having real, vulnerable conversations around it.

We must acknowledge that many of us push through illness to get those hours (or skip important family and friend events and moments).

We must say out loud that we don’t want to do those things.

And then those of us who find ways to make the billable hour work while creating sustainable careers, we must speak up.

It’s not impossible and you are not alone in the struggle.

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