Burn out.

In 2020, I burned out.
 
It started about a year earlier, though.
 
What did it look like for me?
 
Giving up hobbies;
 
Sleeping too much;
 
Decreasing socializing;
 
Increasing anxiety and panic;
 
Tears (lots of them); and
 
Plummeting self confidence.
 
I also saw and felt some extremes within myself:
 
Feeling like sleep was my only break—the only time my brain shut off; and
 
Thinking things like, "If I got in a car accident on my way to work, at least I'd get a break from everything." 
 
When you get to this point: it is too late.
 
And: it takes a good amount of time to recover.
 
But: burn out is not inevitable in #law or #biglaw.
 
How can you avoid burn out?
 
Get to know yourself and build self awareness.
 
Listen to your heart, mind, and gut.
 
You'll know when things feel wrong, feel off.
 
Ask yourself, regularly, "Is this what I want?"
 
If it isn't (and it wasn't for me), follow up, "What do I want?" or "What can I control and change right here, right now?"
 
Get help.
 
Find a confidant--a parent, a partner/spouse, a friend, a colleague, a doctor, a therapist.
 
For me, it was my husband and friend who reminded me what I was good at and what I could do to change my situation.
 
For me, it was also therapy.
 
I started in a firm in May 2016 and had a therapist by August that year.
 
I've seen him regularly since--a journey indeed. 
 
If you’re having a hard time as an attorney, as an associate at a firm, as a human.
 
I see you. I hear you. I have been and am you.
 
You are not an outlier. You are normal.
 
You still deserve to be here.
 
I am grateful for friends and family that helped me through my burn out.
 
I am grateful for the community of lawyers I’ve met online.
 
I’m grateful for a supportive firm and colleagues.
 
Because of these people, I can share openly about my imperfections and the imperfections of our profession.
 
Because of these people, I can share openly about the hard days and how to manage and survive them.
 
Because: it often is hard. That’s not a weakness. That’s being human.
 
You don’t need to have it all figured out or have it all together. I don’t. I definitely do not.
 
Find your people and run with them. If you need to add more to your community, I’d happily join.

#lawyerwellbeing #culture #deeplearning