Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a disease in the #biglaw and beyond.

I am an anxious achiever. I always have been.

My parents tell this story of taking me to a child psychologist for some evals and the big takeaway was how I was so anxious about things that I would read the instructions, answer the question, read the instructions, answer the next question, read the instructions, answer the next question, and so on and so forth.

For many, many years, I managed this internally. And then I entered a big firm. Almost immediately I froze, terrified of failing clients, failing partners, and failing myself. Within a few months I had to seek outside help.

Even so, for several more years, I convinced myself that it was only me struggling, thinking I was the only one having a hard time.

After a few very candid conversations with family, friends, and coworkers, I realized how my brain was lying to me, tricking me.

We are all humans. Not a single one of us is free from mistakes, discontent, struggle, dark days, or hard times. Not our clients, not the partners we report to, not the associate in the office next door we think is so much more confident and credentialed than we are.

Growing a community and platform that allows me to share freely about this is something I will never take for granted. Grateful is not a strong enough word to capture how I feel about this opportunity to talk candidly with each of you.

Gary Miles has been kind enough--twice--to host me on his podcast, The Free Lawyer, and to allow me to share about how I worked through some hard times and built systems and perspectives to keep my negative, anxious thoughts in check. The most recent conversation is out now.

For those who have already listened and reached out: thank you. Your words of "I'm not alone" and gratitude are what keep me going.

#lawyerwellbeing #professionalwomen #mindfullyemily #emilylitigates