My First Panic Attack

In 4th Grade, I had my first panic attack (that I can remember).

During class, I got permission to go to the bathroom.

I sat in a stall and panicked: fast breathing, nausea, overwhelming emotion, tears (although I fought hard against them).

Once composed, I returned to class and went about the day.

I don't think I told anyone about it.

But, I remember it clearly--down to the color of the tiles in the not-recently-updated bathroom (this was around 1995/96).

Since then, the number of times I've hidden my stress (anxiety, panic), pretending like everything is fine, is high--very high.

#AnxiousAchievers tend to do that.

We view our stress (anxiety, panic) as a weakness.

If people find out, we fear they'll think less of us (and our "achievements").

In 2018 and 2019, I started breaking that habit.

It started with close friends (also lawyers): sharing what was really going on behind our closed office doors--with trust, candor, and vulnerability.

In 2020, when the pandemic hit, for many of us the doors shut again: Our firms expected us to trudge on despite our professional (and personal) worlds being turned upside down.

The tension was palpable, and balancing that against the "keep calm and carry on" mentality, was tough.

In late 2020, encouraged by my work on the Wisconsin Taskforce for Lawyer Well-being, I began sharing more openly again, and this time on LinkedIn.

The community I've found here--both through engagement with my content and offline conversations--has been incredible.

I am now confident in this:

🤝 I am not alone in my anxiety (or low mood).

🤝 Many of us are ready to bring this topic to the forefront of our professional endeavors.

🤝 To make this career a sustainable, long-term option, I must address and incorporate my well-being.

🤝 I am a better human being when I address and incorporate my well-being into my daily life (a better attorney, colleague, friend, daughter, sister, wife, etc.).

🤝 Our firms and our practices will improve--holistically and financially--when we take care of ourselves and each other.

As we close out #wellbeinginlaw week (and continue into #mentalhealthawareness month), I hope you will consider sharing your story with someone you trust (someone worthy of hearing it).

I also hope you know (and believe): you are worthy of being here, you are good enough to be here, and the profession needs you here.

#lawyerwellbeing #legalissues #culture